**This post is a reflection of my feelings in process that I wrote last week:
The struggle has been so real the last 3 days in the studio. I am making bigger drawings based on the small studies I have been working on over the last year, or so. The larger drawings have grown to incorporate sculpting the paper, which I love, and yet, they still feel empty. I worry that the line drawings do not carry the same gestural energy as the ones in the small drawings.
While I have experimented with different line qualities, thickness and using different materials to make the lines, nothing feels as right as the thinner lines that I have been making with micron pens. They are meant to mimic the traces of the hair, after all. Unfortunately, something with the larger drawings just isn’t clicking yet. And while my goal is to walk away with 4-5 large successful drawings, given that there are only about 2 more weeks left, I worry that I will just end up spending the rest of the time and materials playing around, trying to figure out why things are not working.
I was talking with one of my cohort members last night about the idea of getting out of your own way so that the work can come through you. I am struggling so hard with that right now. This is my process and I know it won’t always be like this, and the time, no matter how it is spent, is very valuable for my practice. I think that I just need to back off myself a bit and allow things to unfold as they need to. Perhaps I don’t have any successful large drawings when I leave, then what? At the very least, I can walk away with a strong sense of what is not working so that I can move forward.
Not everything is going to be a hit and not everything is going to click easily. I am reminding myself today to stay engaged with everything, be it stretches of intense work and problem-solving, or backing off to let things sort themselves out. Everything in life calls for a unique approach and part of my work is figuring out what that is so that I can better support my practice.